The end?


All things seem to have been pre-destined.

What happened if Mama didn't go to HK for the one last time to meet her brother and the relatives?

What happened if my dad didn't even suggest going to HK in the first place? My Mama wouldn't have even gone there if my dad didn't suggest going at all.

What happened if I went ahead for my 1-month exchange to Korea, of which I'd only return on the 17th? My mum initially agreed to let me go but I decided not to sign up for it in the end 'cos I had harboured thoughts of staying there longer after my graduation.

What happened if Mama didn't get to see Jiang and Nicole get married?

What made me and my sis suddenly want to take pictures with Mama during Jiang's wedding?

They all pointed to one thing: she was going. But we all just didn't know.

These few days have been really tough. No one ever deserves to go through what we had to go through: Welcoming a brand new year with renewed energy and optimism, and then mourning over the loss of a family member the next. Everything at once, and it has not even been 5 days into 2014.

Death came really very fast and swift for my Mama, which was why everybody was more shocked than saddened by the news. I myself even questioned if all that had happened was really what was happening to me or if it was just a terrible dream. I took at least a day for reality to sink in, when we made our way back to clear the things at home as visitors would start coming in our house since the wake was just downstairs. When we started making funeral arrangements.

So many things have happened so suddenly. I feel like many days have already passed, and yet it hasn't been even two days at all.

Just now when I came back home from the columbarium, it seemed as though nothing had ever happened. The white tentage downstairs was gone. It was just back to a multi-purpose hall. The only difference is that Mama is no longer physically with us.

And as my Mama's favourite verses go (she said them in Canto of course),

Surely goodness and kindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

One day, we will meet each other again.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Mama, be at peace.


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